I know ...a few blogs in one day..sorry.  But this is really resonating with me today..I just hope it is true.

Jason  

July 31, 2007
Slow And Steady
Cancer Daily Horoscope

Today you may be planning your goals carefully, keeping realistic caution in mind. This could have you feeling slow and steady, but at the same time you may be more comfortably assured of reaching your aspirations. While this will satisfy the material-world aspect of your dual nature, your spiritual aspect will feel best when you leave room for the universe to move and bring you more and better than you can imagine. This balanced approach is great for keeping your whole self pointed toward the goal and not leaving opportunities for doubt to creep in. Today you remember that slow and steady will get you to your destination, but you can also keep your eyes open for any opportunity that will help you arrive more quickly.

Planning our goals, keeping both the realistic and the extraordinary in mind, helps us know what steps to take now and leave openings for the universe to expedite the process on its own terms. It also offers us a series of challenges and successes that keep us feeling forward momentum, so we are less likely to become discouraged. We then can grow with our dreams, gathering the skills and vision we need to make a big leap when the opportunity presents itself, which most certainly will happen when we hold tightly to our vision. As you balance your realistic and spiritual vision today, you move forward in both worlds simultaneously to create your highest expectations.

Becoming a better person..
Over time when you have a lot of heartache and grief come into your life you tend to get lost to varying degrees. walls start to get built up, cynicism enters and varying degrees of fear block the real you. Every once in awhile the ugly side pops its head up because you didn't deal with the original problems back when they happened. It left these emotional scars on you that you carry with you like chains on your soul holding you down.
I have had a lot of loss in my life and some in not so pleasant a way. It makes you walk the "dark side" so to speak in your actions and thoughts. I originally just reconciled it to just my lot in life. I had no reason to want to go back to the real me. i let fear and cynicism run my life to varying degrees. This year that started to change. My 'break" from work and my life this year has given me lots of time to build back up the real me. i find I missed me more then I thought. Being on CS has brought out a lot more of the real me as well. The walls really started melting away then as i learned to reconnect with the world and the goddess and life in general.
If you look at my site you will see I list two heroes. My dad and Natalie. Dad was a wonderful, amazing caring person who loved all his kids unconditionally and was always happy and jovial and did whatever was needed without reservation for his family. Me losing him was one of the greatest heartaches I have ever felt in my life. I spent many a year just obsessing on the loss and not looking at the life. Lately i have finally put that demon to rest and remember now the great man that he is/was and the inspiration he always gave me. He would not have liked how I turned out from that experience that alone is a good motivator..anger and sadness can take awhile to heal if you stuff it down my friends ...My advise to you all is do NOT do it.
My other hero is Natalie for so many reasons. her life, her spirit, her unconditional love and she is not only a beautiful woman on the outside but she has a beautiful soul as well. She inspires me and has helped me realize the real me I have been hiding. My love for her is helping me finally put to rest the last of these fears and demons that I carry. i have a reason for being me again. not just for myself and my own piece of mind but for the love of a woman. these 'demons" can and have wreck havoc on a relationship. they need to be put to rest. i do not want to jeopardize any more then I have in the past the single best thing that has ever happened in my life. I have made progress. I have let go of a lot of the past and come to terms with some of the losses I have had. I have finally learned what true love is. I still have a lot to work on both for her sake and mine. i am still scared a lot. I have never been so in love with someone in my life. But i am letting the fear control me rather then me controlling that fear. I need to learn to better communicate my feelings and to really listen and not plan what I am going to say next, to realize the there is no right answer and when you let the fear control you you miss the important points a lot in a relationship. the hard part is being apart...it does make it more difficult as we do not have the physical connection. I am sure you would all agree that being together in person makes it a lot easier. She and I do not have the luxury as yet except for a few scant days a month then there is all the pressure and stress on the both of us to make them most of it. A vicious little circle at times.
But i want this to work...I can not imagine my life any other way then with her in it. She and I kid around about angel and demon couple..there are times it is to a degree true..I need to knock down my demon a few more pegs and strike more of a balance. I want to be more like my dad, I want to be more like me and i want Natalie.
So all are good goals that are all doable and for the right reasons. i just need to stay focused and WORK hard at this to get to that. Hopefully before i burn any more bridges. Any advice or words of wisdom is greatly appreciated as always my friends.
All good relationships take constant work as i am learning but it is work that I want to do. Everything needs a good foundation and I am learning what I need to work on. Life is getting better and I am liking rediscovering me under all the stuff.. :)

This break for her and I is giving us both the time to step back. be friends and see where life is leading the two of us ...Hopefully that is back to happily ever after.   Even if not I still have a wonderful and amazing woman in my life with her.